Forever And you can share it with whomever you choose. What do I do now? In addition, get rid of their phone number, emails and email address, remove all the pictures/photos/memories/gifts. If you can't, just be polite and smile and wave if they wave at you. A. Be gentle with yourself. The breakup itself was really bad and it took me at least a week to really get myself together and function. They will either return out of emotional trauma (and the reasons why you broke up will remain) or they will see through the manipulative smokescreen and allow their pride to propel them to greener pastures. First of all, allow the grieving process to happen naturally. 7. Yeah that's logical - if you say don't contact, there is a good chance they won't even if they want to check in. Be gentle with yourself. My ex keeps texting me, and nothing seems to put them off. For the most part, Ex's will keep you as a friend so they have a 'back up plan' in case things fail with the new love of their life. Cookies help us deliver our Services. I wasn’t ignoring you, just don’t know what to say. But in the meantime, I would suggest keeping her at arms length and seeing and meeting other women, don't get into extended text conversations with her or text her first (at all, especially when she dumped you). Because deep down, all you want out of closure - is for them to do an about turn and admit they were wrong. I was genuinely shocked. First of all, delete their number and block it. That's what you're aiming for. Sooner, rather than later, it'll hit them that they're being absolutely childish and you'll come out smelling like a rose. share. save. Please, can you find it in your heart to try again?". You just have to be happy with who you are. Your heart's just been ripped out and turned inside out by them leaving you - it's like a phase of mourning - so how s/he can tug at your heartstrings and expect you - as someone who still has deep-seated feelings for them - to just flip to 'be my friend!" Above all, never tell yourself "I'm not good enough, no one loves me, blah blah blah." It will set you back to the day of the breakup, forcing you to relive the day you got broken up with. He has a girlfriend. Consider each relationship as a lesson life teaches us for us to carry on to the next relationship. Be the first to end the conversation. Otherwise, there's no need to reply. If you're nursing a shattered heart, you can't handle what they have to say. Broke no contact to respond to my ex, now he wants to meet up My ex dumped me on New Year’s Day, and it totally blindsided me. But I understand not trusting me. Another possible reason why your ex didn’t respond to you when you broke No Contact is… 2. I began No Contact the next day because he asked for space, so I gave it to him. This means that he contacted you first and broke the no-contact. Q. I can't resist the urge to contact my ex! Lets say that you are using a 30 day no contact rule on your ex boyfriend and around day 4 or 5 he messages you and asks if he can get his things back from your place. Benign Indifference. Q. If you happen to work together in the same workplace, ensure that all and any discussion in the workplace, is about work. If they are having doubts, they will make it clear. Just bring yourself back up to reality. As far as they're concerned, it really looks as if you're doing great without them - even if you aren't. Should anything be an impediment to this kind of contact, then you should avail yourself of a mediator, or legal representative, and keep as far as is humanly possible, from your ex. I’m going into this meet up with 0 expectations, even though I think he self-sabotaged this relationship on impulse ended things before we could even really work on our issues together. I just want to add a bit more, as someone that still is struggling with going NC. report. But it makes the dumper feel really charitable. The thing is that I do believe many of our issues for the breakup are things they can be actively worked on. How long should I wait to contact my ex? Do not respond. Vote. Make her contact you first. Sherry, 66, took her ex, 52, back even though he'd ended things eight times during their 14-year relationship. It eases their guilt. And never resort to spite, or retaliation; if you are obliged to do something, and agree to a specific arrangement - stick to it. Nostalgia is very bittersweet, understand what it means. Q: What do I do if I have obligations with my ex- which make Complete No Contact impossible? A. Be the best 'you' you can be. However, this takes some time of NC. You may have initially tried no contact after a break up. Get out, don't sit around the house pining for your Ex. Truly Lost on January 7, 2009 at 5:30 pm . He also said that if I wanted him to hear about how his actions impacted me, that he would listen. It's to keep on doing what you're doing. It takes time getting used to not hearing from someone you normally talk to a million times a day. freakin' addiction, man! The only thing you should actually ever respond to is a clear and absolutely unequivocal signal, from them that they desperately love you and would do anything to be able to try again. Just always try to treat yourself better than yesterday. Use your judgment. I was busy with uni work so we met 3 weeks later and we slept together because in that moment I decided I didn’t want to wait for him to come around. He has a tendency to make impulsive decisions and a few weeks before we broke up he had actually seemed like he wanted to break up because cause he got moody about wanting to be outside more, exercising together and seeing friends (within reason in a pandemic). Ignore it, and stay in NC. dumper's regret kicked in yesterday in the second part of the day and last night i almost texted her at 4am. Don’t beat yourself up if you break it. Remember: The question is NEVER "Why are they doing this or why have they said that? Never, EVER be the first to contact your ex! Sporadically breaking no contact … Do you want to talk in person? A. Not only does he sound like a person who isn't worth keeping around but being persistent is more than likely to push him further away. You are plenty good enough and someone will love you. A. It will in all likelihood, happen as soon as you have decided you respect yourself enough to take back your personal power. Healing, and Moving On. This should be a book. Don't answer if they call. After a month of no contact, he texted me about giving me back a mug and catching up. If you intend to break the No Contact Rule, don’t do it just to spend a lot of time sending your ex pointless texts or making multiple phone calls as a friend. For several reasons. Q. Writing letters, or arranging to meet 'one last time' to get closure, is a pointless exercise. Then the next time they text you, reply IMMEDIATELY - with this message: "Your message could not be delivered because the recipient has blocked this number.". My ex wants to be friends, is this a good idea? They may be respecting your wishes. We all take different amount of times and go through different processes. 'Yeah, right. If you need something back, ask a friend to go get it for you. If it's just to get something back, box up their stuff and have a friend give it to them. If you do have any chance of reconciliation, your best bet is to leave them alone and forget about them. The question is: Why are they contacting you? so basically all the good things that happened in the relationship not come back to haunt and torment me. So I've been trying the LC I don't message her unless she messages me about our daughter and then we only talk for a little bit when I come to get our daughter. If I implement NC will I get my ex back? ... No contact is no contact, why continue to communicate in any way, shape or form? I’m trying so hard to look at things with the lens that people make mistakes, but maybe he doesn’t think breaking up was a mistake...just how he did it. My ex broke up with me on Christmas. So treat her as such. After the initial relief your ex will feel right after the breakup, the next days of no contact (usually after a week or so) put your ex in a stage of curiosity.. Just be very polite and business-like. It allows you to reflect on your past mistakes and grow as a person. Do be happy, do smile inside (CBT) and know that you'll be fine. 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